My Testimony

As a young child, I grew up in a church family.  My dad was a deacon, I went to a Christian school, and the gospel was expounded in a way that was clear and concise.  I knew right from wrong and was taught about Christ and what he did for me on Mount Calvary almost 2000 years ago.  I had no idea that in just a few short years everything that I knew would soon become unraveled.

On the outside, it seemed like I was in the perfect family, sure we had our faults, but my parents were respected in the church.  We went every Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night.  Like I mentioned above, I was in a Christian school and I was active in memorizing Scripture.

My home life however, was a completely different story.  You see at home there were several subjects that were not discussed, and sex was definitely one of them.  Even getting into my teen years, I had no idea what sex was, it was a taboo subject.  It was during these years that there were things going on that I did not understand.  Things that I still don’t understand why they happened but they did.  My relationship with my parents was abysmal.  Me and my dad had a raucous relationship.  It would be an understatement to say we butted heads a lot.  My mom just thought that this was normal adolescence soon it would be clear there was much more going on.

As I was in junior high school, things at home just got worse.  At church, I would put on the good face and pretend that nothing was, but the truth was I was hurting deep inside and it seemed no one cared.  The problem was no one knew that I was being molested since the time I was 8 and that I had tried to commit suicide several times.  I didn’t even know what it was until a girl I had really liked had told me the same thing was happening to her.  So I told a friend of mine about what happened, and she told my pastor and it all came out into the open.  The person that molested me was convicted of the crime, but it didn’t seem to help me any.

I was angry.  All my life I was taught that God loved me, but I didn’t understand why if he loved me, I had to go through all this pain and torment.  The years would go by.  I found ways to hide the pain.  I thought I was a Christian.  I knew about Jesus, and how he gave his life for me that I might live eternally.  I had a head knowledge and that was about it.

After high school, I left California to go to College at Baptist Bible College.  I was still angry, still searching for what the meaning of this life was.  I buried all my feelings thinking if I forgot about it, then that would be just fine.  I left college and went back to California, and life was about to deal me a blow that would be very difficult.

Once I returned to California, I rekindled a friendship with an old friend from high school.  This friend was not a good influence on me, and I began to show a wild side.  I started smoking, and soon I was drinking heavily, by the time I was 19, I was a weekend alcoholic.  I quit going to church.  I went so far off the deep end, that people who had known me all my life thought I was on drugs and were concerned that I might not live much past my twenties.  The truth is that I was dying inside, I had felt unloved and unwanted.

I met a woman and pretty soon we started to do things that I had never imagined I would.  I remember the day I got the call that she was pregnant, I was excited.  The pregnancy went rather quickly, and before I knew it my son was born.  My excitement was quickly tempered as we found out there was a major problem.  You see my son had been born with defective kidneys.  The Doctors said his only hope would be to try a transplant  when he was 6 months old.  They told us the chance of him surviving the surgery was not good, and gave him a 20% survival chance.  I wrestled with whether or not to do the surgery, if we did not do the surgery he might live to be a year old, but the doctors believed he would not have lived much longer.

We did the surgery, and things seemed to be going alright for a few months, but then his body started to reject the new kidneys.  Then in the middle of the night, me and my girlfriend rushed our son to the hospital as he had been running a high fever and was having difficulty breathing.  I remember sitting in the waiting room as the doctor came in to tell me that my son was about to go be with Jesus.  I asked him if I could go be with my son, he said yes you can have some time with your son.

I went into the room, and held my son.  I told him he was going to go to a better place as I was rocking him.  I told him, Jesus would be there and he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain anymore.  As I said that, he quit breathing and went to be with Jesus.  I knew he was gone, but I didn’t want to accept it.

I got even angrier.  I blamed God for taking my son.  Any one who tried to help me I turned away.  I turned to the bottle and drank harder and harder.  I got as far away from God as I could.  How could God say he loved me when he just took my son.

As time went by, I cooled down.  I didn’t drink as much.  An opportunity presented itself for me to start a new life.  So I moved with my family to Springfield, MO.  The party life didn’t stop though, I kept going out, I was living a lifestyle that was the exact opposite of what I was taught.

I met my first wife in a nightclub, we dated and then we got married all without hardly knowing each other.  Things seemed to be alright.  I had a good job, I thought I was happily married, and I had a daughter that was on the way.  Something was missing, I was still searching for love and meaning to this life.  It wasn’t long and my marriage started to crumble.  It didn’t take long before my whole world was completely apart and I had turned once again to the bottle.

A good friend of mine invited me to come to church.  I went and I listened.  I loved the church it was what I needed at the right time.  Remember, I thought I was saved from when I was a child.  So I kept going to church, and then joined the church.

A few months went by, and I started to think about eternity.  I wondered is there life after death.  What if I don’t know Christ as my Saviour?  I dismissed the doubts as nothing to be concerned about.  Inside though I was full of confusion.  I knew I had lived a life that was displeasing to God.  In my pride, I felt I was saved, but truthfully, if I had left this earth, I would have spent an eternity in a place of torment.

It was a Sunday night, I don’t quite remember the exact date, but it was January of 2005.  This night my life would change forever.  The doubts were harder to overcome.  I kept trying to resist, but I would think of what Jesus did for me, and that he was offering me eternal life if I would just trust him and ask forgiveness for all the sins that I had committed.  I couldn’t tell you what the preacher preached that night, all I can say is I knew I needed Jesus Christ.  I had tried it my way all my life and had failed.

When it was time for the altar call, I got a good friend and asked him to go down with me.  I told him I needed Jesus and that night I asked Jesus Christ to forgive me and save me from my sins.  Hallelujah he did.

My life verse is 2 Corinthians 5:17:

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. “–KJV

I serve an awesome God.  I post this because this is what God has saved me from.  God has brought me from the depths of despair to showing me how much he loves me and how much he loves you.

I have learned that sometimes God allows things to happen in our lives that we will never know why they happen for.  God has a plan for each and every one of us.  I can’t tell you why I have been through the things I have, all I can say is God has a plan for me.  No matter what happens, my prayer is that I will always be faithful to God, and serve him to the best of my ability.